28-year-old man subjects girlfriend to secretly filmed 'loyalty test', gets mad when she wants to break up: 'I was completely humiliated'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 1, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Infidelity is the last thing most people want to think about when they get into a monogamous relationship, but the uncomfortable truth is that it is something that will happen in many couples at one point or another. Even if they haven't experienced it themselves, almost everybody knows of a friend or family member who has been cheated on. 

While it's not uncommon, it is also rarely worth letting your paranoia get the best of you when you are in a relationship. You have a right to know the truth if your trust is being breached, but sometimes it takes more than a hunch to move forward with any suspicions. More than anything, if you turn out to be wrong it's highly likely that your partner is not going to be happy. Nobody wants to be told that they aren't trustworthy by the person that they love, especially if there is no reason for it.

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    Cheezburger Image 10473511168
    via Lia Bekyan (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is a principle that one woman stood by when her boyfriend decided to ‘loyalty test’ her with the help of a YouTuber. Secretly filming her rejecting the repeated advances of a fake suitor, when it was revealed that the situation wasn't real she told her partner that the relationship ended the moment he decided to test her. He wasn't happy, and she wondered if she was in the wrong for feeling hurt.

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    Cheezburger Image 10473511424
    via Lia Bekyan (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for "breaking up" with my boyfriend after he set me up for a loyalty test?

    I (25F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for a year now. Our relationship has been amazing until one day, he decided to put me through a loyalty test for a YouTube video. The entire test felt completely real. The entire time, I didn't flirt and made it clear I had a boyfriend, despite the decoy's multiple advances. Then, all of a sudden, the whole crew came out. My boyfriend, in particular, was smiling and happy. When the YouTuber told me that this was a loyalty test and that I had passed, I
    via Royal_Economics1549
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    I knew this was going to be on YouTube, so I didn't want to react the way they probably wanted me to (yelling, crying, making a scene). I simply said, "The relationship ended the minute you decided to put me on a loyalty test." My boyfriend tried to stop me, saying I was being dramatic and that I had no reason to be mad since I had passed. That just made me angrier, and all I wanted to do was go home.
    via Royal_Economics1549
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    The next day, he called wanting to talk in private, which I agreed to. However, he had already told his friends, our mutual friends and my own family about the situation. During our conversation, he would call them or pull up their text messages so they could back him up. They all said I was overreacting and that I should be happy because now that he knows I would never cheat, we can finally settle down and be together. Yes, I love him and have considered that in the future, but I felt completel
    via Royal_Economics1549
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    In my opinion, loyalty tests are a lose-lose. Either you cheat or you don't, but either way, it proves that your partner doesn't trust you. I was completely confused because I thought I had given him zero reason to doubt me. So, when I asked him why he did this, he admitted that it was only because his ex had cheated on him multiple times in the past with her coworkers. (This meant he had lied, because he had told me their breakup was mutual and drama-free.). Also, I never realized he had trust
    via Royal_Economics1549
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    At the end of our conversation, he asked if we were breaking up, and I told him I needed space. That was two days ago and I'm still being bombarded with people saying I'm being irrational for being mad about this. The only thing he has said in those two days was that because I "passed" I shouldn't even worry about the video coming out since they only post the fails, as if that was my concern. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I need some outside opinions because everyone around me is making me feel li
    via Royal_Economics1549
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    People were gobsmacked that her social circle had defended this behavior.

    davekayaus NTA Your boyfriend went behind your back in a way that left you feeling deceived, used and humiliated. These are the actions of an ex, so I'd recommend you just block him now. Any 'friends' saying you're overreacting are his friends, not yours and your family need to learn what respect is.
    via davekayaus
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    shangri-laschild NTA. He didn't just loyalty test you. He arranged to have it filmed so you could be humiliated. Because it's still humiliating even if you "pass". Not only that but he is weaponizing friends and family to harass you about this. He's making it clear he feels very comfortable making everyone else have input on your relationship. And that their opinions matter more than yours does. What happens when the two of you disagree about the wedding arrangements? Or home buying? Or kids? He
    via shangri-lashchild
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    Asren624 As you Isaid, if loyalty was really the issue, he wouldn't even consider posting the video. It's "entertainment", control and greed over anything.
    via Asren624
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    Lurker_the_Pip You are under no obligation to entertain him or the YouTube public with your discomfort and shock. Use used you publicly to get screen time. He was disrespectful in like 5 different ways. He broke your trust. Dump him.
    via Lurker_the_Pip
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    Aylauria These people saying you shouldn't be upset bc you "passed" are completely missing the point. This isn't about you. This is about your bf's lack of trust in you and his decision to put you in an awkward position and be filmed while doing it. NTA
    via Aylauria
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    wlfwrtr NTA Tell him that you may have passed but he failed. He failed to trust you thereby making a tiktok video to test you. He failed to be truthful when he told you that him and his ex broke up amicably when it was really because she cheated. He failed to show he can be trusted.
    via wlfwrtr
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    Effective-Hour8642 It's only been a year, start over with a trustworthy person. Best wishes.
    via Effective-Hour8642
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    Rendeane NTA. He humiliated you for his entertainment and to punish you in advance should you ever cheat. In addition, he has revealed that he lied about his previous relationship. He will never trust you. He will work to control you, where you go, what you do, who you know. His mistrust, anger, doubts will be expressed physically and he will blame you for "making him do it." Avoid the drama. Break up with him. Allow him to play his games with someone else.
    via Rendeane
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    KelsarLabs It's the ick factor for me in the way he is trying to gaslight you into thinking this is ok and your feelings are 1,000% valid in being done. Sounds like you need some new friends too.
    via KelsarLabs
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    stuckinnowhereville NTA-just ghost him. Block the others.
    via stuckinnowhereville
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    chlocatt NTA I agree with everything you said in your post and your feelings are 100% soooo completely valid I want to highlight something here that I find extremely important to everything it's the loyalty tests scale He set you up on some little influencers PUBLIC YOUTUBE CHANNEL. For the internet & forever on the internet. Let that sink in. This man reached out to a content creator personally and basically "applied" to the loyalty test. He created a discussion revolving around his mistrust to
    via chlocatt
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    Royal_Economics 1549 OP Yup! That part specifically is what makes this funny after all the crying. The drive itself was almost 6 hours long (there and back to the house), so I just wanna erase that from my mind.
    via Royal_Economics1549
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    Echo-Azure Only you can decide whether he's worth keeping, after being such a But here's two things to think about: 1: If he actually puts this on youtube, for God's sake never see him again! And contact youtube to get it taken down. 2: I'd bet a thousand dollars that his ex never cheated on him.
    via Echo-Azure
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    Forward-Wear7913 NTA Not only did he publicly test you, but you found out that he's a liar as well. Why would you want to be with someone who is so untrustworthy?
    via Forward-Wear7913
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    mystified_music Once the trust is broken, it never comes back. It's like breaking a plate. You can't unbreak it. You were humiliated. He did that in a very public manner and went as far to try to prove he was right to do so. Plus. He doubled down and brought others into it. If he thinks you're not being loyal and untrustworthy, he'll do it again. Honestly, I can't imagine trying to fix a relationship after that because he doesn't think he did anything wrong. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Yo
    via mystified_music
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    The incident only prompted further revelations about her boyfriend.

    UPDATE: I took a lot of y'all's suggestions, including showing my friends and family this post, but everyone told me I should just take it down because it was a "violation of his privacy." The only people who apologized were his brother and my dad. His brother told me he wanted to talk because there was something he needed to get off his chest. That's when he said that my ex had actually been frequently loyalty testing me, just not for YouTube, and that he has probably done this in all of his pa
    via Royal_Economics1549
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    Last night, we spoke, and she told me she had heard about what happened and wanted to warn me to stay far away from him. She said she never cheated on him at all. In reality, their relationship ended because she found out he was the one who cheated multiple times with multiple people. When she found out, she went through his phone and discovered that he: - Recorded a lot of their conversations - Lied about where he worked, including his work trips - Has at least four working phones - Is probably
    via Royal_Economics1549
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    This morning, she still went ahead and told him everything I'd said and asked him to talk to me. I agreed, and the entire conversation went exactly how it went the first time. He swore she was lying, so when I showed him the text messages, he said it was all for work. Obviously, I didn't believe him and just walked away. After an hour, he apologized, admitted he was sorry, and that he was lying about most things. (which didn't believe). But he insisted that we should look past all of this and mo
    via Royal_Economics1549

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